Tossed outside freezing weather

If I ever decide to write a book, I will have to try to put things in chronological order. But for now I am writing things as I need to. Yesterday I wrote about Jeff using his perceived idea that I was disobeying him by bringing up the subject of water. Today I am going to write about him pushing me outside almost naked at night during a cold snap.

After my daughter was born, we moved into another trailer in the same trailer park. It was larger (3 bedrooms, rather than 2). We worked it out with the landlord to buy it on a rent to own basis. 

At first things went well. I continued school. Jeff worked odd jobs wherever he could find them. Money was very tight. During the summer before my daughters first birthday, I was offered a well-paying job. After much discussion (arguments), Jeff agreed to let me take the job. I enjoyed it very much, and for the first time in years, we didn't have to pinch pennies. 

Jeff stayed home with the children. He didn't drink during the day, but he also didn't do housework, cooking, laundry, or anything around the house. That was my responsibility after working all day. When I would mention that it would be nice to have some help, it would result in arguments, with me backing down because of his threats of physical violence. 

At work, I became friends with the manager (who was also the bosses wife). We would go out for lunch together. It felt good to have a friend. One day she came in with a black eye. Her story was that a bird had flown into the garage and while trying to get it out, she had hit her face on something. I could tell it wasn't true, because it sounded as far-fetched as some of the stories I had told to explain away bruises I had received.

A couple weeks later, my friend came in with other bruises. That day at lunch, I told her that she didn't deserve to be hit. I then started crying and told her about Jeff hitting me. We became even closer, although neither of us knew what to do about the abuse. We did both agree to not let our respective spouses know that we were talking about what was happening.

I kept my job through the summer. When school started in the fall, my boss was agreeable to working with my school schedule. I carried a full load of classes (4 classes-12 credit hours), and worked 37 hours a week. I also did everything at home that needed to be done, because Jeff felt it wasn't a man's place to do any type of housework, even though he didn't have a job. 

The Monday before Thanksgiving, my friend came to work with a broken arm. At lunch that day she confided that she was going to be leaving her husband (my boss). I asked her to please keep in touch with me. She said she would. That was the last time I saw or heard from my friend. I hope that she escaped to a safer and happier life.

When I returned to work, my friend did not come with me. That afternoon, my boss called me into his office and asked me if I knew where she was. I said I didn't know (true). He didn't believe me, but couldn't do anything to make me say anything else. He then told me to go home until after Thanksgiving. 

When I came home early, Jeff got mad. I didn't tell him why, just told him that it was slow because of the holiday. We had an argument about it, with him making accusations of me slacking, being stupid, etc. I lost my temper and started yelling about how lazy he was, accused him of being a drunk, and that I was sick of it. He called me a bi.ch and walked out.

That night he came home very late, very drunk, and very mean. I took both children and locked ourselves in my son's room. Even went so far as to move the dresser in front of the door. Jeff kept hitting the door, yelling for me to get out of there. It continued for a while, but then I heard some banging outside and yelling. Jeff stopped hitting the door. A short time later, there was a knock on the door. Someone told me they were police and asked me if everything was okay. I told them to give me a few minutes.

I moved the dresser, opened the door, scared that this might be some kind of a trick. There was a police officer standing there. I came out, telling my son to stay in his room and watch his sister. I spoke to the officer. One of the neighbors had called them. The officers partner had Jeff outside, talking with him. They were there for about 45 minutes. By the time they left, Jeff seemed to have calmed down. He was not arrested. His physical abuse stopped for a while, the verbal abuse continued. I could tell he wanted to put his hands on me, but was afraid. I walked on eggshells.

When I went back to work after Thanksgiving, my boss again asked me if I knew where my friend was. I again told him I had no idea. I worked there for another two weeks. It was hard because everyday my boss would ask me over and over where my friend (his wife) was. After a couple weeks, he called me into his office, told me I had one last chance to tell him, when I refused, he fired me. This was two weeks before Christmas, and I was getting ready to take finals. I was devastated. I was afraid if I told Jeff I had lost my job, his temper would explode, but I also knew I had to tell him.

Jeff took my job loss well. He hugged and kissed me, telling me that it was good because I had a job taking care of the house and kids. I was shocked, but accepted it. My finals went well. Christmas was good. Jeff stayed calm, with only a few criticisms and name calling. I continued to walk on eggshells, because I couldn't believe that things were going so well.

In spite of an unusual cold snap which resulted in icy roads, on the morning of New Year's Eve, Jeff's mother took both children to spend the night with her. Jeff decided we would stay at home and celebrate. He went out and bought a bottle if whiskey, a bottle of rum and two 12-packs of beer. About noon, Jeff started drinking. He insisted I drink with him. I had a couple of beers, but the third one I nursed. Jeff drank several beers, then started drinking the whiskey. By 8 pm he was so drunk, he could barely walk. He decided to be affectionate. I agreed and we went to bed, where he promptly passed out.

After laying there a while, I got up, went into the front room and started watching TV. I dozed off in my chair. Suddenly, I was pushed out of the chair onto the floor. Jeff had woke up, I wasn't in bed, and when he saw me sleeping in the chair, it made him mad. I apologized and suggested we go to bed again. He cursed at me, then asked where his whiskey was. I hurried and got it off the dining room table where he had left it. He sat in his chair and drank from the bottle.

I told Jeff  I was going to bed. He told me to get my a$$ by him and sit down. I did. Then he asked me if I was too good to drink with him. I told him no, but didn't want to drink. He kept his voice low, but was very nasty in telling me that I thought because of my getting some schooling, I thought I was better than him. I tried to reassure him. He got up, got the bottle of rum, handed it to me and told me to prove it by drinking with him. I took a very small sip.

Jeff laughed and asked me if I thought that was drinking. I tried to tell him I didn't want to get drunk. He said it was a celebration to bring in the new year and how stupid I was because I couldn't even keep a job. He told me that in spite of my high and mighty education, I was still nothing but a worthless, stupid bi.ch. He said that because of me begging to go to work, he hadn't been able to. That someone had to stay home and take care of the house and brats (his words). I retorted that if he felt he was taking care of the house, that we might as well live in a garbage dump.

He then turned sweet and said he was sorry. I was right, he didn't help as much as he should. He said that his drinking was the problem. He opened his arms, asked me to forgive him. Like the fool I am, I came into his arms. He put his arms around me, then held me tightly and told me I was going to drink with him, whether I wanted to or not. While holding me, he put the bottle of rum to my mouth. I kept my mouth closed at first. He grabbed my chin, slapped me, and forced me to open my mouth. As he poured the rum in my mouth, I gagged and chocked, trying to spit it out. After pouring about half a pint into my mouth, and a good portion spilling all over me, Jeff let me go.

I ran to the bathroom and started gagging. I felt like I was going to throw up. I didn't, and eventually the gagging stopped. I washed my face and hands. Then because I had the rum which had spilled on me, I then proceeded to take off my clothes and got in the shower. When I got out, Jeff was standing in the bathroom. We did not have a door to close. He told me I was fat. I just agreed with him. I was feeling slightly sick from the rum I had swallowed. 

I then went into the bedroom and started getting dressed. I had just put on panties, when Jeff grabbed me from behind. He held me close, whispered in my ear that the way I was dressed was sexy. All I wanted to do was get away from him right then. I didn't do anything except stand there. I knew if I refused, he would take what he wanted, so I did nothing. He pushed me onto the bed and proceeded to take his clothes off. I still did nothing, just laid there. He looked at me, asked me what my problem was. I told him I was feeling sick and just wanted to go to sleep. He said that was fine with him, he wasn't going to waste his time on me. He then picked up his clothes and left the bedroom. I gave a sigh of relief.

I laid there a couple of minutes, then got up to finish putting on some clothes. As soon as I got up, he came into the bedroom again. He had gotten dressed, I was still wearing just my panties. He kept his voice low, then told me that I was a worthless piece of s&/t and he wanted me out of his house and his life. He grabbed me by my hair and one arm and started dragging me into the front room. I yelled at him to stop. He told me I was leaving right then. I told him, I would leave as soon as I got dressed. He said, nope, I was out of there. Jeff then opened the front door and pushed me outside so hard, I fell down four steps into a slushy half frozen puddle of water. I was outside, soaking wet, wearing just my panties. The temperature was 21 degrees F, with a wind chill of 14. 

I realized the predicament I was in immediately. I went up the steps, tried to open the door, but it was locked. I knocked on it and called Jeff's name. He came to the door, didn't open it, but asked who it was. I asked him to please let me in, it was cold. He laughed and told me I was where I needed to be, out of his house and life. He then laughed again and told me that all he wanted was to have a little drink with me, but I was such a bi.ch, I couldn't even do that. I begged him to open the door, promising to drink with him. I was shivering and my bare feet were starting to go numb. He told me to go away. After that he didn't respond to my knocking, crying and begging. I think he passed out.

I went over to the car, checking the doors, all locked. I didn't know what to do. I knew that if I didn't do something, I would freeze. I started crying, wondering which of the neighbors I could go to for help, as I didn't know any of them, when the woman neighbor across the street came outside carrying a blanket and without saying anything, put it around me. She then asked me if I wanted to come inside her trailer for a little while. Gratefully I followed her. 

When we got into her trailer, she offered me some dry clothes, suggested I take a warm shower to warm up. I did. It helped a lot. We talked most of the night. Finally I went to sleep in her couch. The next morning, she asked me if I wanted to call the police. I thanked her, but declined. She told me that even if I didn't file a complaint, she would. I thanked her. I stayed at her house until late afternoon. 

When Jeff's mother drove up with the children, I went back to our trailer. Jeff was bleary and hungover. He said nothing about his pushing me outside. Later when I said something about it, he denied it. He claimed he had no memory of it, that I was lying. I then told him that one of the neighbors (didn't tell him which one), had filed a report with the police. I also told him that if the abuse didn't stop, I would have him arrested. He told me that if I did leave or have him arrested, I would never see the children again. I stayed because I was afraid that he might take my children. However, it was several months before he used his fists on me. 
              
My refusal to drink with Jeff, and respond to his sexual overtures, caused him to try to force me to obey him. When his threats did not work, he changed tactics, using the humiliation of my public nakedness and a very real threat to my life due to the weather to force me to do as he wanted.   

If you feel you are being abused or know someone who is being abused call the National Domestic Violence hotline. 1-800-799-7233.