A tirade of hate

As I post things about my life with an abuser, I have received phone calls and emails from two certain people whom I love and tried to protect as they were growing up.  

They beg me to take down this blog. They claim that I was a bad parent with deep rooted problems, they tell me I will never see my grandchildren. They claim it is a tirade of hate against someone who laughs and is glad that I am gone.

One email excerpt states:
" Instead of admitting you were a bad parent with deep rooted problems, you continue a tyrade of hate against someone who frankly laughs because he's glad to be done with you." (direct copy, including misspellings). 

Is it a tirade of hate? I think not. If it is kept behind closed doors, then the abuse will only be a shameful family secret. I have the strength now to speak out. I will continue to speak out.

As for my abuser laughing at me and being glad he is done with me? So be it. I am glad I had the strength to LEAVE him, even though he begged me to stay, making his worthless promises, even crying, telling me that we belong together, that he wouldn't be able to find anyone else. (unless he has changed, which most abusers do not, I hope no woman is insane enough to want to be with him).

I was not a perfect parent, but there are few who are, I tried to be. I loved my children, I wanted only to protect them. I kept them fed, clothed, read to them, encouraged them to get good grades in school, helped with homework, talked to teachers when necessary, stayed up all night when they were sick, went to Drs with them, sold my personal items when their father refused to buy medicine, prevented their father from beating them, but mostly I tried to show them love.

Deep rooted problems? No argument there, heck I stayed with a man for 20 years who got pleasure from beating me, how normal is that?  

I was isolated, alone, and scared. Before I married my abuser, I had had two ribs cracked ( not by him). He beat me badly enough to crack my ribs again. He gave me a concussion, addled my brain enough so I lost memory for a while, broke one of my fingers, and would hit my breasts, among other things. I now often have lumps in my breasts, which have the potential to become cancerous, which, according to THREE different medical doctors, are a direct result of repeated hitting and damage.

So I ask again, is it a tirade of hate?  

If you feel you are being abused or know someone who is being abused call the National Domestic Violence hotline. 1-800-799-7233