A little background

I grew up in California. I was the third of four children. I have an older brother and sister and a younger brother. My family moved often, usually running from bill collectors or the law. My father spent time in prison. Because we moved often, it was difficult to establish friendships. I was jealous of those who stayed in one place and had friendships established in kindergarten. Although I had my brothers and sister, I always felt lonely. 
When I was 12, my family life stabilized and my family stopped moving. I still had difficulty making friends, because I had never learned the skills necessary. I was very lonely.  
When I turned 17, I met a Marine and fell in love with him. At 18, I married him. We moved to Illinois. It was a rocky marriage. I had my first child when I was 20. I left my first husband when my son was 18 months old. I won't go into details about my first marriage, it was very rocky, and my first husband was able to get custody of our son. My ex refused to allow me to see him and made it difficult to find him. I lost custody of my son at age three and next saw him at age seven. I spent four years searching and every extra dime, hoping to be able to be a mother to my son. However the situation allowed me only to be an occasional visitor to the child I loved so much.

That is the background...
I make no excuses, I admit to making a lot of mistakes.