No Doctors Allowed

Several times during my life with my abuser, he would claim I was a hypochondriac. I seldom went to the Dr, even when I probably should have. 

One time, I caught a cold, or something and couldn't get rid of the cough. Over the counter medications didn't help. Sometimes I would cough so hard, I would almost pass out. I begged him to allow me to go to the Dr, but he said it was nothing more then a cough and stop being a sissy. I had that cough for 5 months. I still don't know what it was, but now when I get a cold or cough, it lingers, in spite of everything I do. A cold or cough is very likely to put me in the bed for a week, and shortness of breath for several more days. So needless to say, I try to be very careful about getting a cold.

Jeff enjoyed hitting me in the head, and slapping my ears. Shall I talk about the hearing loss this has caused?   

My heavy menses continued for years, starting in 1996 He said I didn't need to see a Dr. In 2003, I was so weak that I passed out and ended up at the emergency room again, the Dr  scheduled a D&C. He said I was bleeding to death. The D&C helped for about 5 months before I started having problems again. The Dr suggested a Endometrial ablation. This is a procedure where the lining of the uterus is burned out. I had it in 2004. It didn't work. About 3 months later, I started bleeding again. My menses were worse. After 6 months, they were almost non-stop. I went to the Dr again. The tests the Dr ran showed I was pre-cancerous. He suggested a hysterectomy. When I told Jeff, he told me that the Dr was a quack, that having a hysterectomy would make me not a woman and he forbade me to even consider it. I scheduled an appointment with another Dr for a second opinion. That Dr told me that if I waited another month, I would not only have to have a hysterectomy, but I would also probably have to have chemotherapy. I scheduled the surgery with my Dr for the following week. When I told Jeff I had scheduled surgery, his comment was that I was a hypochondriac, and then made a smart remark about this being the surgery for this year and what would it be the next year. Jeff told me he didn't want me to have the surgery and he wasn't taking me to the hospital. I told him fine, I would drive myself, have the surgery and worry about getting home later. I also made arrangements to have someone from work take me.
Jeff did relent and take me, telling me the whole time that I was going to die, and asking if my life insurance (120K) still had him as a beneficiary, and that if I lived I would only be half a woman.
During my recovery period, my daughter help a lot. Jeff ignored me, except to ask me when I was going back to work. My Dr had said the recovery period would be at least 6 weeks, but possibly as long as 10 weeks. I went back in 3 weeks, but couldn't work. So I stayed home for an additional 3 weeks. 

There are many other incidences where I needed to go to the Dr, but didn't. I don't understand why Jeff didn't want me to see a Dr. If it was due to a lack of medical insurance, there was a very fine state funded hospital nearby. Later when I had medical through my employer, I was still not allowed. 

Again, this puzzles me. I also wonder if he was hoping I would get so sick I would die. But then if he wanted me gone so much, why wouldn't he let me just leave? Perhaps if I was dead, he knew I wouldn't be around to influence the children.

This is just another example of how an abuser exhorts control over a victims life.

If you feel you are being abused or know someone who is being abused call the National Domestic Violence hotline. 1-800-799-7233.