Email exchange

My younger son is angry about this blog and told me he wanted nothing to do with me. He has refused to allow me to see my grandson, or discuss the things his father did to me. He says his father never did anything to me, and that he himself never raised a hand against me. He has said that I was the abuser, when all arrest records, court documents, medical records and other documentation show that I am the one who was abused.  

So I was very surprised yesterday when I received an email from him about some changes in his wedding plans with a request for my phone number. I responded and gave him both my home and cell number. I thought perhaps he was taking a step toward a reconciliation. I found I was mistaken. It was another of his cruel learned abusive behaviors. I chose to respond to his emails, because in the past when I was bullied or pushed, I cowered in fear and backed off. I will no longer be bullied or pushed. No one will make me feel worthless or take the blame for their abusive behavior. 

To share his learned abusive behavior, I am going to copy the emails, in full, only removing any names that may prove to closely identify anyone or provide a location. This is a matter of protection of everyone's privacy.

His first email to me
January 22 at 10:07am
So a little update... Instead of my grandparents we are thinking the beach. Dress would obviously be sun dress, khaki shorts, floral shirts, etc. No skimpy bikinis or anything like that please. Inbox me your address pretty please. :)

My response to this was to send my address.

His second email to me
January 22 at 10:23am
Also (girlfriend) needs phone numbers! We should have a specific location very soon. With it being on the Coast instead of Central MS, please let us know if that's a problem for you. If it is for the majority, plans may change to accomidate.

My response to this was to send him both my home and cell numbers

His third email to me
January 22 at 10:30am 
That went to all members listed as "Attending". It wasn't meant for you. You know that.

(My thought was..."I did? How would I know that, since it was sent to me?" but I didn't ask). 

My status message January 22 at 10:50am
Little boys who grow up in homes where domestic violence is occurring are 100 times more likely to become abusers than boys in violence-free homes. Senator Joseph Biden, Violence Against Women: Victims of the System (Washington D.C.: U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary.

His fourth email to me
January 22 at 11:24am
Good thing I love my family. However, I am fortunate to be over the years of sexual, physical and mental abuse you inflicted on me. Now go away.

My email to him
January 22 at 11:32am
I don't believe I was the one who started sending emails first, and I won't stop telling and posting about the abuse your father committed against me. You may chose to deny it, blame me, or block it out, but it happened. 

His fifth email to me
January 22 at 12:04pm
First, I didn't send you specifically an email. I need you to remove yourself from MY wedding page. You're not welcome, because you aren't a friend or family.
As for you being the new face of domestic violence victims, that is fine. Write your silly little status messages until you are blue in the face. I'm sure the three people who read them feel really sorry for you. I don't care, neither does anyone else who knows us. We all know it is tales of lies and trickery. 
You are trying to push me into a "war of words" or whatever it is you internet addicts get off on having, and you finally got it. Once again, your bullying is hurting someone who used to love you. So, congratulations. You managed to remind me why we don't want anything to do with you until you get the help you so desperately need.
I don't ever want to hear from you again. Neither does anyone else in my family. Now go away.

My response to him
January 22 at 12:32pm
It is obvious you have the same controlling attitude your father has, along with the excuses and platitudes that he spouted. I do admit that I was negligent for not having you arrested for those times you hit and or threatened to hit me. Perhaps then you could have received the help you need. Sad isn't it that you have already been arrested for domestic violence against (his girlfriend)? As for getting the help I so desperately need, not a lot of help for the damage caused to my brain from the repeated blows that your father gave to my head, is there? Google Chronic traumatic encephalopathy for additional information. Check the view stats on my page, none of those views are from me. I will send you a signed copy of the book when it comes out, along with a copy of the article from the magazine which has interviewed me. Anytime YOU initiate an email, I will respond. I won't initiate an email, but feel it is rude for me not to respond to one sent to me. I wish only the best for you, (removed name of girlfriend and child) Love always, Mama

His sixth email to me
January 22 at 1:12pm
How many teeth does (grandson's name) have? Is he walking? Crawling? Standing on his own? What foods does he eat? What is his favorite? What words can he say? 
How many of those can you answer? That's the saddest part of all. You've only wanted to see him once since he was born.

My response to him
January 22 at 1:46pm
It is not that I have not wanted to see him, it is that you have not allowed it. Does that mean I do not care? No, it only means that you are using a common tactic of abusers, threatening to, or actually, preventing access and visitation to a child or grandchild. I would love to know about the number of teeth (grandson) has, if he is walking, standing, or crawling. I would love to know what foods he eats, as well as his favorite food. Knowing what words (grandson) can say would thrill me. However, as long as you continue to be abusive and prevent me from seeing or knowing anything about him, then these are things I may never know. 
Mama

My son did not respond to that email. It does sadden me that he is following in his fathers footsteps. Although he has been arrested already one time for domestic violence against his girlfriend, perhaps he is only directing his anger and verbal abuse towards me, and not toward his girlfriend and child. I pray for her, because if he follows the patterns of generational abuse, it will soon be directed at her.

I spent 21 years married to an abuser. I speak out against domestic violence. No one deserves to be physically, verbally, and/or emotionally abused. No one deserves to be cut off from friends and family. No one deserves to suffer from long term physical and psychological damage as a result of being abused.

No one!!!

If you feel you are being abused or know someone who is being abused call the National  Domestic Violence hotline. 1-800-799-7233.