The monster in my nightmares

I have nightmares on average three to four nights a week. Some are quite vivid, resulting in me screaming and crying in my sleep. Most of the time, my husband has to wake me up.  He says it is usually very difficult, and takes several minutes. He will then try to get me to tell him about it, mainly to be sure that I am really awake, as sometimes I will tell him I am awake even when I am not, then go right back into the nightmare. At times my dreams have been so terrifying that I will quake in terror even after I am awake. Many times the most terrifying make me afraid to go back to sleep. I have written down some of them and have come to understand that there is a monster in my nightmares. The fears and terrors I have felt and buried are coming out at night in my dreams.

Several of my nightmares are very similar. In most of them I am helpless and in a pretty precarious situation. Some are very different, but none the less terrifying. I am posting four different nightmares, three are ones with a similar theme that occur at least twice a month. The fourth is recent and I consider an epiphany. 

Nightmare 1 This dream happens about twice a month.

I am sleeping in my bed, dreaming something very pleasant, laughing and feeling very happy. Suddenly I seem to awaken needing to use the bathroom. I sit on the side of the bed for a minute and then stand up. It seems very real to me and I go through everything I go through when I actually am awake. In my dream, I get to the bathroom, go inside and shut the door, then turn on the light (as I do in waking life). As soon as I turn on the light, I see blood everywhere. It is in a scatter formation, like something or someone has been brutally slaughtered in there. It is on the floor, the walls, ceiling, in the shower and tub, and on the mirrors. I am horrified and my heart starts pounding. Then I look in the mirror and I am covered in blood and it looks like my skin has all been pulled off. This is a serial dream because I sometimes am able to wake myself up, calm down, then go back to sleep, but will fall right back into the dream. It repeats several times (the least times that I remember it repeating is three, the most is seven in a row) until I start screaming aloud and my husband wakes me up. When this nightmare occurs, I am so terrified, I can not go back to sleep for several hours. (Did you know that at 2 am there is nothing on except infomercials, but if I want to call that 1-900 number there are hot sexy girls in my area just waiting to talk with me...blah!)    

Nightmare 2 This dream happens about twice a month, and is odd as both my parents have been dead for several years.
 
I am a teenager at the high school I went to for three years. Becoming very ill, I am sent to the hospital in an ambulance. While strapped on the gurney, red and blue lights flashing through the windows, I can see the equipment and paramedics, and hear the heart monitor and the siren. The paramedics are talking and laughing about something, but I can't understand what they are saying. I know it is English, but the syntax is confusing, only understanding a word here and there. I try to ask them to speak clearly, but can't seem to talk. 
Suddenly I am in the hospital emergency room, lying on the floor of the waiting room, curled into a fetal position and very cold. A Dr comes out and says he is going to give me a shot to make me feel better. I ask him what it is, and he tells me, but I can't understand what he says. After he gives it to me, I feel paralyzed and start crying, but no one pays attention. There are people around, some step over me, but no one pays attention to me or my crying.
I continue to cry. The Dr returns, asking if I can move. Trying to answer, and also ask if he'd called my parents, I am unable to speak. He pushes me over onto my other side, lifts my eyelids and shines a light into my eyes. He stands up and goes through some swinging doors. He comes back out with two men and a gurney. I can see a sword on the gurney. I am shouting in my head asking if my parents have been called and crying. The two men pick me up and start to put me on the gurney on top of the sword, so it will pierce me. I wake up shouting "Did you call my parents?!"   

Nightmare 3 This nightmare I have at least once a week.
 
I am in bed and have to use the bathroom. I sit on the edge of the bed and notice on the wall there is a very large spider. It has red glowing eyes and a face. I know it has a face, but can't see it clearly enough to recognize who it might be. Every time I move, it moves and if I act like I am going to stand up, it puffs up larger and seems to stand taller on it's legs. Almost as if it is getting ready to attack. If I don't move, it watches me and makes a rattling sound, similar to the sound a rattlesnake makes before it strikes. I am scared to move and afraid to make any noise for fear it will attack me. I do move as slowly as possible towards the middle of the bed and away from the spider. When I feel myself against my husband, I wake up, always in a sitting position, facing the wall, terrified, with my back against my sleeping husband.

The epiphany dream

A few nights ago (1/17/2011), I dreamed I was on my knees, my hands tied behind my back. Standing over me is a big, ugly dark monster holding a gun to my head and laughing at me. (It is more of a presence than a form. I can't describe it clearer, anymore than a child can describe what the boogie man looks like) The monster was telling me to beg for my life. I dreamed I was screaming, crying, and begging. I was shouting please... Please!.. PLEASE!!!  My husband woke me up, because each please was louder, more intense and I sounded terrified. Just as my husband woke me up, I saw the face of the monster, and it was Jeff. 

Even though it has been four years and three months since I escaped the 21 years of abuse at the hands of a sadistic monster, he still haunts me in nightmares.  
   
If you feel you are being abused or know someone who is being abused call the National  Domestic Violence hotline. 1-800-799-7233.