Response to a comment

This was posted as a comment to my last blog "This too shall pass" I am copying it and my response, so it doesn't get lost. I feel the comment and questions are valid and deserve a response.

Begin comment:
I have read all of your blogs, and I have a couple questions if you don't mind me asking.

How old are your children?
What makes you think the "abuse" has affected their lives?
If my mom was in your predicament while my two sisters and I were in the household she would have killed an s.o.b. If it was that bad why didn't you?
What forced you to live with him?
When he followed you to California, why didn't you get to your parents house with your kids and then have him arrested?
What is the real point in this blog? You call your kids out a lot. Remember Hun, you raised them. 
End of comment

Begin my response:
Thanks for reading my blog.  First you are correct, I raised my children, however due to the situation, I had little influence over them.  Their father made sure I had minimal control or influence over them. Most things I did make decisions about, he over ruled. Which additionally undermined my ability and authority as a parent.

Why do I "out" my children...when they contact me with threats and other things, it affects me, therefore I talk about it. Current abuse will be discussed first. I refuse to be threatened, bullied, or accept any type of abuse from my children or anyone else. 

My children from my abuser are now ages 24 and 19. As to how it affected my children..my son has already been arrested for domestic violence, for grabbing and pushing his pregnant girlfriend. My daughter has other issues that I prefer not to put out on a public forum. Both my son and daughter have "typical" behaviors associated with having been raised in a violent household. 

Note here while the majority of victims of abuse are women, men can also be abused, therefore any information includes victims of both genders. 

As for why women stay (and why I stayed), there are many different reasons. Most women stay because of the children, and that was my primary reason, although there were other reasons. 

Have you done any research at all on domestic violence? What about in-depth research on Battered Women's Syndrome? If not,  here are several places to start:
http://www.dvrc-or.org/domestic/violence/resources/C61/
http://www.mamashealth.com/abuse/bwomensyndrome.asp
http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceWomen.htm
http://www.peoples-health.com/battered_womens_syndrome.htm

That will give you a lot of answers as to why women stay. Besides staying for the children, fear is a major factor. Did you know that:
The most dangerous time for a woman involved in a violent relationship is when she tries to leave?
Battered women increase their risk for murder when they try to escape. (New York City Department of Health)
Thirty-four percent of the women homicide victims over age 15 are killed by their husbands, ex-husbands or boyfriends. (National Women Abuse Prevention Project)
By the mid 1990's, at least fifteen hundred women each year were murder victimes from domestic violence.

Perhaps your mother would have reacted differently, and for that I applaud her.  Perhaps it will prevent you from becoming a victim. For your sake, I hope you never have to face that type of situation or choice. 

California, my parents were both dead, so I was not going to a family home. I wasn't even sure that any of my siblings would be willing to see me. As for having him arrested. I have not posted about the things that happened in California, therefore how can you assume that I didn't? I will not say now what happened, it is a post for another time. He has been arrested for domestic violence, convicted, etc. I have book of documentation of things that happened.

As for the real point of the blog, it is as I stated in the beginning, it is to help me to get over the things that happened to me. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am not sure how much you know about it, however one of the therapies is to explore the event(s) and try to stop the memories. Is it helping? I don't know, sometimes I have to stop posting, because it is so painful to remember. My night terrors, depression, flashbacks, anxiety attacks, memory loss, etc. still continues.

I don't know if you will read my response to your comment. I hope you will, and if you have any additional questions or comments, please post or email them to me.